


Rowens Feels - The Musical

by Wolfgang von Cemetery (enemy_xands)



Series: The Feelsverse [1]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Community: wrestlingkink, Dating, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Jealousy, Jerks being together, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Matchmaking, Maybe Magic Maybe Mundane, Musicals, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Seriously its out of control, Surprise Pairing, Time Travel, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:26:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5347469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enemy_xands/pseuds/Wolfgang%20von%20Cemetery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth Rollins is having the worst year ever so his "friends" in New Day embark on a quest to unite him with his mean heart's desire: Kevin Owens. They just have to get his pesky relationship with Tyler Breeze out of the way. And they'll do it through song and video game tropes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Plot

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so fucking excited about this fic lol. A New Day musical is exactly what the doctor ordered. Bless this prompt and op's patience
> 
> (Disclaimer: I love Tyler Breeze)
> 
> (I'm not a professional song writer and neither are these dorks)

It felt like it was taking the video all day to buffer and process. Xavier had warned his other two unicorns that YouTube was rather slow, suggested they try a Vine instead, but Kofi and Big E insisted.

"No! All our heart and soul--"

"And twerking--"

"Needs to be seen in ONE video. All ten minutes of it."

Xavier sighed but secretly smiled. He'd had to put up 40 minute LP vids before, he could tolerate one little get well soon message to captain Seth.

Speaking of which, hanging out with Seth since his surgery kind of sucked now. He was angry and not very careful with who he swung that crutch at or kicked with that cast. He was about to tell J&J security to come get their boy.

But...he understood, kind of. Whereas New Day was fueled by unicorn dust and cashmere socks, Seth was fueled by spite and maybe Instagramthirst sometimes. He was posting three pics of the scenery around his home a day, but he didn't really have anything to be spiteful at anymore except himself. And Seth loved himself...like, a lot. So he damn sure wasn't going to do that.

That left one very unfulfilled man.

But before he got hurt? Oh buddy. Kofi and Xavier would take him out for nights of gaming and drinking, mostly drinking, and watch him talk shit to the other games in the arcade bars and get into the fights about Madden. Seth was literally the best, the best.

But right now he needed...something, Xavier couldn't quite put his finger on what. But it was...something.

The video finally finished processing and Xavier quickly fetched the link.

"Quick, tweet it! Tweet it for the world!"

Big E stared intensely as Xavier blasted the link on Seth's Instagram and Twitter. The three of them waited patiently as the replies of strangers rolled in, and a "LMAO" from Randy Orton.

"Ain't his shoulders fucked up?" Kofi said.

Xavier was about to give up when Seth finally pinged then with a DM.

"Ooh! Answer it!"

Xavier opened the message quickly, which simply read "..."

"Speechless, huh," Kofi muttered.

"NO!" Xavier screamed, finally losing it. Big E held fast to the laptop in case he decided to throw something. "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"

Xavier was truly frightening when he was pissed; Kofi clutched Big E partly for comfort and partly as a shield.

"O-okay Xavier, chill out. We'll think of something else."

"I have something else!"

Xavier had that gleam in his eye that Kofi and E knew meant the next thing that came out of his mouth might sound a little unhinged.

Kofi bit the bait first. "Well...what is it?"

"You know what Seth needs? A friend."

Silence, and then Big E answered first. "We're his friends?"

"No, we're his team," Kofi corrected. "I don't think Seth is physically capable of making friends."

"No! I mean, no he's not, but that's why we're doing it. Seth needs a _special_ friend."

Kofi didn't like where this was going, but unfortunately Xavier and E did. He ran his hands along both sides of his head.

"What could make him feel better than setting him up when he's at his lowest?!" Xavier was in it now, like a snake oil salesman, and nothing could stop him.

"Oh my god, Xavier, real life is not one of your little hentai sim games." That stopped Xavier dead in his tracks and he bristled. "You already have someone in mind, don't you?!"

Xavier nodded slowly. "Come by when we're filming the semi-finals round of Madden. Yooou'll seeee..."

Kofi looked between E and Xavier again and realized he was stuck. He sighed.

~~~

Seth hobbled into the Gaming Casbah (aka lounge set up for gaming) grimly and sat down. Xavier and his weird little friend El Murpho were already there, awaiting Curtis Axel's arrival.

"How ya feel, Champ?" Xavier asked, big grin on his face.

"Pretty good all things considered."

"Really?"

Seth snatched his glasses off. "NO! I feel like bullshit and I want my titles back! And no one has even texted me!"

Xavier breathed deeply. "We did."

"I meant someone specific!"

"Mm-hmm."

Curtis high-fived him on his way into the room and set up, hopefully to kick Seth's ass in what suddenly became a very serious tournament.

Xavier turned the camera in and adjusted the mic. "We good?"

"Good!" El Murpho gave a thumbs up.

"WELCOME to UpUpDownDown, I am your host Austin Creed..." Xavier rolled into his intro and watched from the corner of his eye as Kofi and E slid in.

The game got underway and it didn't take long for Seth and Curtis to get lost in shit talk. Xavier drifted back, unnoticed, until he was with Kofi and E.

"Y'all hear that earlier?" he asked slyly.

"Hmm, you know who the someone specific is?" E asked, rubbing his hands together.

Kofi interrupted. "Just how do you know, anyway?"

"I am SO glad you asked."

Xavier leaned back and popped open his trombone case. He took the instrument out and played a tune that Kofi vaguely recognized as the Song of Time from Zelda 64.

The scene before them paused and swirled together into a mass of color before restarting again. Kofi looked around.

"This is a few weeks ago, right?"

Xavier took his two unicorns by the elbow and pulled them along.

"Remember when  
We all became friends?  
Seth was the cap'n of our team  
And this trio was a...a..."

"Quad," E supplied helpfully.

"Oh that's good! Anyway, this trio was a quad!  
The missing member of our squad,  
And then Kevin made..." Xavier struggled for a rhyme and then shrugged. "Five."

"Th-that's how we stayed alive?" Kofi stuttered. They were inside the arena and looking for empty seats among the rows of drunk fans spilling out into the aisles. They shrugged and stood just behind the commentary table and watched their past counterparts gleefully wrecking Roman's team.

"I mean, we were never at risk of dying but anyway.  
Look at him go! The warm, evil glow!  
Punching Dean in the face cause he's a disgrace!  
He looks so happy to be here  
And be near...the one he hooolds dear~"

Kofi raised an eyebrow. "Dean?"

"No! That would be weird.  
Look at the way he's taunting that loser  
Feeding him to the prize fighter  
And our resident bruiser!"

Big E pouted but didn't say anything.

"I feel like I see where this is going, but again how do you know?!"

Xavier sighed in exasperation. "Do you know how hard it is to think up expository songs on the fly? Do you? Can I get ONE verse, Kofi?"

He picked up his trombone and played the Song of Time again, and this time they were transported to just a few hours prior to their survivor match.

Past Seth and Kevin were talking in the hallway, Kevin managing to loom over the taller Seth and looking as menacing as he ever has. Xavier's tempo became more aggressive as he tried his song again.

"Who could be more evil and conniving?  
Who could be more ruthless and rude?  
Who could turn your hate up to eleven?"

E cupped one ear to perfect his falsetto. "Keviiiin!"

"It's true!  
Seth looks like he's gonna call him sempai,  
And always gets like this when he's nearby  
And he knocked Dean out like a lullaby  
And now I feel like Kevin likes him too!"

Kofi watched the scene with interest. "Now that you mention it, Seth does...well, he don't fuck with Kevin."

Xavier nodded enthusiastically. "They make the perfect evil power couple!  
Like a gay Steph and Trips!  
There's just one problem and you'll think I'm a liar..."

E rubbed his chin and pondered on what could rhyme with liar.  "Um...barbed wire?"

"Kevin's kind of with...Tyler."

E's face dropped. "No! Breeze? Really?"

Kofi, suddenly feeling the beat, grabbed his other two unicorns. "Wait!  
We have a stronger case!  
Play the song and take us back to that gaming place!"

Xavier played the Song of Time once again and warped the trio back to a barcade from a few months ago. Xavier had started recording until Seth got out of control drunk and got into a fight over Mortal Kombat II.

"I beat your dumb ass fair and schquare!" Past Seth slurred at the hapless college kid. "Who's the man!"

"I'm still a Dean mark!"

Seth jumped the kid like a newborn giraffe. Kevin, looking highly put upon, broke himself away from what was surely a riveting conversation with Tyler Breeze to attend to Seth's ribaldry.

"Look at our boy," Kofi muttered. "He's...a joy."

"Remember that night Kevin had to get ya boy?"

"Oop, you can't rhyme a word with a word, E."

E silently swore and fell back.

Xavier replaced him. "I remember this night,  
I remember this place!  
I remember when Seth got all in that man's face!"

"And Kevin was there  
For some reason  
And got mad at that man in his personal space."

Kevin bearhugged Seth and positioned him as if for a suplex. He brought Seth's head down to whisper in his ear like some kind of Drunk Wrestler calmer. Seth whined something back at him but slowly melted into a heap in his arms. Kevin nodded at his work and slowly let Seth go. Once his fingers had unlaced completely, Seth stayed still for a moment. Then, in a flash, he was up on the college student again, pounding his face. 

Kofi shrugged. "I don't know what happened that night,  
Except Kevin clearly said let them hos fight.  
Then he joined in." Again as if on cue, Kevin assisted Seth in ganging up on the man who was already curled into a ball on the floor. "Yikes." 

E found his voice again and chimed in. "I'm surprised we didn't hear about that later." He jerked his thumb behind him to a very grumpy-looking Prince Pretty gripping his martini glass so hard it was in danger of shattering. "But Tyler back here looking like a hater." 

Xavier regarded the scene and his past self cracking up in a corner. He slammed his fist into his palm and took up his trombone again.

"I hate to break them both apart  
and break Tyler's pretty heart,  
but I kinda got dem Rowens feels!"

He played the Song of Time again and various scenes of Seth and Kevin rolled past as they were transported back into the present.

"But we're gonna break them both apart  
and break Tyler's heart--"

"Because--"

"We're--"

"HEEEEEEELS!"

Seth, El Murpho, and Curtis turned slowly as New Day hit various pitches of "high notes". Upon realizing they'd been discovered, the trio quickly put their arms down and pretended to adjust various articles of clothing.

"Uh, how'd the game go?"

"Weren't you here?" Seth asked, looking confused. "And what were you singing?" 

"Singing is but an illusion, young Seth," E said, coming in with the quick save. "By the way, what are you doing next week?"

"Oh, I dunno, E," Seth mumbled, chucking his controller at the furthest wall. "Feeling like shit some more?"

"Great. Keep doing that, and we'll keep in touch."

With that, Kofi, Xavier, and E scrunched together and moved as a unit out of the room, giggling mysteriously. 

Curtis hummed and started helping El Murpho pack up. "You hang out with those guys, huh?"

"I...yeah." 


	2. Get In, Kofi!

Later that night, Seth hobbled back to his hotel on his sorely inadequate crutches. He swore at nothing in particular as he pulled his hotel card key out of his pocket.

He sighed. Why was he even out here anyway? Just to play games with Xavier? There was someone he wanted to see, but that person didn't seem interested in him now that he was weak and hurt.

He pouted a little and opened the door, then slipped slightly on something.

"The hell?" he looked down and saw a black and green envelope decorated with pink hearts. He shut the door and stooped down to pick the envelope up.

"From your team mates," he read out loud. He sat down on the bed and opened it up to reveal a card with New Day's weird phoenix thing on the front.

_Dear Cap'n Seth, we're going to the zoo! Plz meet us there next week at 1pm. Thx!_

The card was further decorated with little drawings of each New Day member in what Seth assumed was chibi-style. He gave the decision lots of weight--go to the zoo with his only three remaining allies, or go home and listen to his emo high school CDs.

"Pause."

Xavier played a quick tune on his trombone and the scene stopped just as Seth was about to fall back onto his pillows. His fellow unicorns rolled from their hiding place under the bed and joined him behind Seth on the bed.

"We gotta sweeten the deal without letting him in on the plan!" E exclaimed. He pulled out a gel pen and scribbled something else on the card.

Kofi peered over to read it. "Petting zoo? Cake?"

"He likes cake, right? And little baby goaties?"

Xavier knelt down, trombone in hand, and regarded Seth thoughtfully.

"This is your life, Sethie," he sang. "It's going pretty alright, Sethie."

"But it's time to stop moping and get your act tight, Sethie!"  
Kofi joined in.

"It's time for you to find someone to back you up in a fight, Sethie!" Big E added.

"That you probably started."

Xavier grabbed Seth's cheeks with both hands and started gently pulling his head to and fro. "Someone who knows your twisted heart, Sethie."

"Someone who treats bullying like art, Sethie."

"A snake that don't care--"

Big E cupped his ear for another falsetto. "And he can probably braid hair!"

"Make the decision tonight, Sethie!"

Xavier hit a few notes on his trombone and quickly rolled back under the bed as the scene returned to normal. Seth, previously suspended in mid-air, finally fell back to look at the ceiling. He cupped his face with his hand.

"Ow! Why does my face hurt?" he whined. He exhaled loudly then flipped over onto his side. He examined the card again.

"I don't remember seeing petting zoo and cake...but I like cake."

He could have sworn he heard a sharp noise of glee from under his bed, but put it off as pre-sleep auditory hallucinations.

"I'll go," he muttered into his pillow sleepily. "I'll go and...and...pet baby goats 'n stuff."

Another shout from under his bed, but he was heavy with the weight of dreams and found himself drifting off to slumber.

New Day slowly army crawled out of the room and reemerged in the brightly lit hallway.

"We did it!" Xavier crowed quietly. "This is happening!"

"Hmm, I dunno guys," Kofi said, shuffling his feet as the three of them walked. "I still don't like breaking up Tyler and Kevin just for Rowens feels."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Xavier said. He flipped around midstep so he was facing his crew. "You still ain't feeling the magic?"

Kofi shrugged. "I know we're default the bad guys here but it just doesn't feel right."

Xavier and E looked at each other knowingly.

"Well, let's go see what Tyler and Kevin have to say about that." Xavier put the trombone to his lips and played something Kofi knew was from Zelda, but couldn't put his finger on what. They were transported a few hours earlier and a few floors further up to the room that Kevin and Tyler were splitting for the night. The images from the past were in full fight-mode in front of them already, Tyler in the middle of throwing a glass of white wine.

"Do you know how embarrassing it is to have unmatching silk socks?!" the little prince shouted. Kevin caught the glass and drained it.

"I didn't mean to bleach your fancy little socks."

"But you did! And look at this, you bought the wrong hair color from the store!" Tyler chucked a drugstore box of hair dye at Kevin's face. "I'm clearly an F21, not 23! Don't you know anything about me?!"

Kevin muttered under his breath. "Not really."

"What was that?"

"I said, 'forgive me'."

Kofi made a face of disbelief and jutted his hand out. "They do this every night?"

Tyler brushed past New Day and locked himself in the bathroom, where he promptly curled up in the shower. Xavier unlocked the door and let his unicorns in.

Tyler turned on the tap then switched to shower mode, mascara and brow powder raining down his face.

"Really?" Kofi asked again. Xavier shushed him.

"It's been like this forever," Tyler sang. "I meet my perfect match, and two weeks later, everything goes sour.  
I can't help it that I'm perfect  
With really high standards  
Why can't I meet anyone that loves me for me?!  
I just wanna be someone's prince in their castle..."

"Is...can he see us or is he just freestyling?"

"Damnit, he lived with me for like five years and never got the hang of this," Xavier said with an apologetic shrug to Kofi and E.

"I love Kevin's bulk  
And his diabolical mind  
But sometimes I think he wants to leave me behind  
Why can't I be the prince in his castle?!"

Kevin banged on the door. "Are you singing? I hear singing. Did you take a radio to the bath tub?"

Tyler angrily shut off the water and yanked the bathroom door open. "I am trying to have a solo moment!" He slammed the door again and resumed his position in the shower.

Before he could get back to his solo, New Day slinked out. Kevin looked equal parts bewildered and angry as he wrecked minor chaos around the room, unplugging lamps and throwing notepads.

"I can't take this. Singing in the shower, bitching at me about random shit. How bout I just leave, huh?"

"Where are you even going!"

Kevin picked up the black and green envelope and ripped it open. He scanned it quickly for a retort. "I'm going to the zoo! ...Next week!"

"Which zoo!"

Xavier silently cursed.

"It doesn't matter!"

"You won't even be mad next week!"

"I'm not mad!"

Xavier opened the door and the three of them slid out, ears covered. He played the Song of Time and took them back to the present, the hallway now occupied by a few stragglers.

"See what I'm talking about? He doesn't belong with Tyler and Tyler deserves...not necessarily better, but different!"

"Yeah, those fuckers need some positivity," Kofi agreed, popping his ears.

"Well? That settles it." E started pounding his hands together.

"Night after night,  
It's a fight  
More intense than a cage match and going through tables!"

"Someone should broke this  
Long ago  
But the big bad witch is coming to break up the fable!"

"I question our motives," Kofi sang, "and our methods--"

E did a short back flip off a nearby wall. "When you get results it don't matter, put your cards on the table!"

Xavier decided to let E's rhyming mishap go this time because they were building pretty good momentum. "Just get in, Kofi!"

"Get in, Kofi!"

The two of them grabbed Kofi's arms and spun with him down the hallway.

"You wanna do this for our pal  
And because we're the good guys!"

"Give in, Kofi! Give in!"

Sheamus narrowly dodged a reckless high kick from E.

"And if this works we'll look like heroes  
For the rest of our lives!  
What do we need to sell it?  
How could this ever be wrong?  
Or did you put us through this  
Cause you wanted your own song?"

Kofi nodded guiltily. E and Xavier shook their heads.

"Okay, okay  
I'm in it  
No more delays--"

Xavier dropped to his knees for the finale.

"We'll find a zoo  
For our crew  
And next week  
We'll make them give--" He pointed to E for the final note.

"Iiiiiiiin!"

Kevin, several doors down, stuck his head out and screamed, "Why are you fuckers so obsessed with singing!" He swore in Québécois then retreated back into his room.

There was scattered applause from everyone in the hallway. New Day took a collective bow and headed back to their separate hotel rooms.

A mysterious figure in a hoodie turned off their tape recorder with a loud click, then headed for the elevator. When it reached his floor, he headed for the suite at the end of the hall. Once safe inside, he removed his hood and sat down in front of his laptop.

"I knew those boys would start paying off dividends," Triple H muttered to himself. He opened his iTunes account and grabbed a USB cord.

~~~

The next day, Xavier woke up to a Twitter timeline of people congratulating him on New Day's hit single.

"What!" Indeed, the single was number one in downloads despite having been uploaded just a few hours ago. More insultingly or perhaps despicable, the three minute single was $4.99.

"Oh my god," he groaned. His phone messages were still ticking up, but what caught his eye was a lonely little DM he hadn't checked last night. He opened it to see it was from Seth.

"Uhh which zoo are we going to?" the note said with a confused emoji. Xavier nodded approvingly and started googling zoos. He could figure out who had recorded him and his unicorn bros later, it was time to get this show on the road.


	3. I Kinda Like You?

Xavier refused to fast forward into the future with his trombone, so Kofi and E had to wait actual days for the zoo trip. In the meantime, their respective Twitter timelines were blowing up with Vine videos of them dancing in the hallway and there was rumor of a music video soon.

"I can't believe we only makin' twenty-five cents a pop on that isht. It was a damn masterpiece."

Xavier was in the middle of cleaning his trombone and wiping down the case. E was reclining on the floor, back against a chair and laptop at his side. Kofi rested on the bed, feet kicked up, and giggling in a way that made Xavier think he was going to start twirling his pigtails.

Frustrated and somewhat bristled, Xavier shot up and leaned over in Kofi's space.

"Who're you talking toooo?!"

Kofi quickly shut off his phone and shoved it behind his back. "Nobody."

"Didn't sound like nobody," E muttered.

"Shut up, fool!"

The clock was slowly ticking down to the fated meeting at one o'clock. Xavier kept an eye on the time and his unicorns bickering.

He had sent Kevin and Seth slightly different directions so that they would arrive at their Meet Cute spot organically. Or, as organically as possible considering the situation. He didn't like fast forwarding into the future because it created all kinds of weird endings and timeline chaos, and there was no real guarantee that going back in time would fix it. He could explain the complicated mechanics of time travel but--

"The time is noooow!"

Big E stood and hoisted Kofi off the bed with him. Xavier hopped up, clean trombone and envelope in hand.

"Leeet's--"

"Dooo--"

"Thiiiis!"

He played a tune on the trombone and the three of them were whisked out of the hotel room in a flash of colored lights.

Seth was not a nervous man, but public meetings tended to make him a little antsy. Especially with characters as...interesting as New Day. There were so many variables he couldn't control. What if he was early? What if they were late? What if they got lost? What if he was lost?

He stood by the entrance just like the directions said and watched as families and couples went in. He was dressed down in a jacket and manbun and his Clark Kent glasses, so no one had recognized him yet. But he smiled at a few kids as they waved at him, more at the thought of punting them than signing autographs.

Yikes, that was excessively mean. Dean always said his cruel streak was exactly why they were no longer together, that and he beat him and Roman down with a chair so he could join the Authority.

"Oh, they let a giraffe out to play, how cute." 

Seth rolled his eyes and ground his teeth. He'd know that voice and that insult anywhere.

"I see they let the whales play outside the tank, isn't that dangerous?" 

His anger was already ebbing when he turned around to see Kevin stopped a short distance away from him, likewise dressed down in actual pants and a coat. The two of them grinned at each other and Seth gave a small wave, beckoning him over. When Kevin got a little closer, he saw that there was a tiny white hair clip stuck to his head.

"What...is that?" he said, shamelessly plucking the hair clip out before Kevin could answer. In his hands he held a much tinier version of the IC title belt. His cheeks puffed out and he snorted with the effort of not laughing. Kevin angrily snatched it back and re-affixed it to his head.

"My daughter made it, okay?" he huffed. "You know, I have kids but it still amuses the fuck out of me to think about...snatching candy and stuff from them sometimes, you know? Just not my kids. I'll kill you." 

Seth nodded. "Me...me too." He started to run a hand through his hair nervously before remembering it was pinned up. "Wait, you got an invite from New Day too?"

"Ah, is that what that little bird-thing is. I guess I did, then." 

Seth stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked around one more time. "Well, where are they? It's rude to set up a meeting and then not come to it. Plus...I kind of thought they were paying." 

Kevin guffawed and Seth blushed. They stood around for a few more minutes, as the crowd of people going in and coming out slowed to a trickle and then finally stopped. The last family that came in was a mom and dad with a set of twins. Kevin could see that one of them held a black and green envelope similar to the one he still had in his coat pocket.

"Hey, kid. Come here a sec." 

One of the twins broke away and jogged over to him. "Here you go, Mister Owens," he said in a creepy monotone before rejoining his family. 

Seth leaned over his shoulder as Kevin opened the envelope and pulled out the note.

"It says, 'hey guys thanks for coming out, sorry we couldn't make it after all. Here's some cash for tickets, go in and have a good time and take pics for Instagram. Your pals, New Day.'" Kevin folded the note up and stuffed it in an empty pocket, then gave a noncommittal "Hm" in Seth's direction.

"Well, age before beauty," Seth said with bow. 

Kevin brushed past him to pay for the tickets. "Experience before chumps, bucko." 

They grabbed a couple of mats before hitting the path before them that quickly branched off in several directions. They bickered over left or right for a moment before Kevin dragged Seth off to the left to see the zebras first.

A bush wriggled and giggled oddly as they went past.

"Just as plan." Xavier slowly rose up first, rubbing his hands. E peeked up to his right.

"Are we gonna follow them the whole time?"

"I think we oughta just give the lovebirds some space," Kofi said.

"Oh, we gon give them space. But first we have to make sure they make it to the lovebird stage."

"Xavier, come on. Just let it happen naturally. Cause it's gonna happen."

"But I wanna make it happen!" Xavier yelled and stomped his feet. "Just for a little while? Pleeeease?"

Kofi sighed. "Fine."

The trio ran to catch up with Seth and Kevin, who were leaving the large field of zebras and moving on to the elephants. From there, they let the crowd swallow them up so that they were just out of sight and not at all suspicious looking.

Seth and Kevin were walking close together and the air between them was filled with quiet conversation. Seth had settled for letting Kevin lead him around, but he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was deliberately following them.

"Are you listening?" Kevin said.

"Oh, sorry. I just..you ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

"In a zoo full of people? Nah."

Seth sighed; Kevin was right, to be fair, but still. They circled around to the expansive elephant area where one of the caretakers was talking to a group of small children.

"You know what we should do?" Kevin said, pointing to a line of people. "Take an elephant ride."

"T-together?" Seth stammered.

"Yeah."

Seth watched as the massive creatures lugged their passengers around in a good sized circle before dropping them off on the other side. He looked at Kevin, whose face contained a hidden glee that was threatening to break out. He tugged on a strand of loose hair and sighed.

"Okay...let's do it."

"Hell yes!"

They stood in line with a few other brave kids. There were two elephants in service and to move things along, they were taking riders two at a time. When Kevin and Seth's turn came, Kevin pushed Seth on first.

"Taller," he muttered.

Seth straightened up and grabbed the reins. "This thing has brakes, right?"

The little lady below him laughed, then tugged gently for the elephant to rise.

 _I AM A SULTAN!_ Seth thought as the elephant rose and took lumbering steps forward. He was surprised to feel Kevin wrapping his arms around his waist so tightly. But he didn't mind it at all. He hoped the ride lasted forever so Kevin would keep hanging on.

But the ride came to an end eventually, and the elephant dropped them off at the opposite gate so they could continue their journey through the zoo. When Seth turned to make sure Kevin got off, the other man was flushed with exhilaration.

"That was awesome! I wanna ride a rhino!"

"I don't think they have rhinos," Seth said, chuckling. "But they have penguins and seals?"

"Oh. That's fine too."

Seth grabbed Kevin's elbow and pulled him along. Not too far behind them, New Day scuttled along.

"Man, they're already riding elephants together. They're going to be fucking by the end of the day."

"E!"

E clutched his invisible pearls. "What? Don't you think so?"

Xavier rubbed under his chin. "I wish we could tell what they were thinking about right now..."

"Xavier, seriously, real life is not a hentai sim." Kofi dragged his hands down his face. Suddenly, something behind E caught his eye. "Hey, is that...?" E and Xavier turned around.

"Whoa, what are you guys doing here?"

Joey and Jaime stopped in their tracks. "Can't a couple of guys just be out and about?"

Xavier cut them a look. "Spill it."

Jaime sighed. "It was Joey's turn to pick where we go for date night. Why d'you ask?"

New Day breathed a collective sigh of relief. "Just making sure. We got an operation going on."

Joey took his ear buds out and Xavier frowned when he heard the distinctive notes of "Get In, Kofi" blaring from them.

"Anything we can do to help?"

"We're trying to get our two pals together by tricking them, it seems like it's going well but we can't tell how they really feel," E explained.

"Have you tried talking to them?" Jaime asked.

Xavier looked at him blankly. "No...?"

Joey stopped Jaime before he could say anything else. "I know what you want. You want a feelings gauge on your HUD, right?"

Xavier's eyes lit up. "Yes! Dude, that's perfect! Where do we get one?"

"Give me your trombone."

Xavier handed Joey his trusty trombone. Kofi and Jaime exchanged lost looks with each other.

"What in the hell...?" they said in unison.

"Feelings gauge, so you can see how you feel about someone else or how they feel about you," Joey explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, then he smirked. "Use it on you all the time."

Jaime looked up and started swatting at something invisible over his head. Joey played a short, soothing tune and handed the trombone back.

"Remember those three notes. Every action can gain a heart or take one away, okay?"

Xavier looked as if he might cry. "Oh my god, thank you so much Joey."

"Oh my god why did you do this!" Kofi yelled.

"This is against nature," Jaime agreed, still bristled. Joey shrugged.

"Well, all's fair. Good luck, guys."

Joey dragged a still ranting Jaime away towards the reptile exhibit. Xavier turned to his unicorn bros, trombone held high.

"Guys, this is so next level," he whispered.

Kofi wanted to bring up the practical concerns of blasting a trombone in public while they were trying not to be seen, but E and Xavier were already dragging him after Kevin and Seth. The couple were inside the aquatic animals exhibit with an even bigger and noisier throng of people.

"I think they're with the penguins," Xavier shouted over the noise. They made their way towards the penguin area to catch Kevin and Seth taking selfies in front of the little waddling birds.

"D'aaaw!" the three of them said in unison. Xavier pushed some people out of the way so he could have some space to play his trombone.

"E! Create a distraction!"

"Uhh..." E looked around for inspiration. "Um. Fire! FIRE!"

A few shrieks and shoving was all it took to work the crowd into a screaming mass of panic. Xavier managed to play the sequence before getting mobbed and run over by screaming parents with strollers.

"Could you have done ANYTHING else?" Kofi yelled. He dragged his unicorns out through the fire exit. "Shit. We lost em."

"I'm sorry!" E wailed. "But it worked!"

"Yeah...hey, y'all see that little heart bar down there?"

The trio looked around until they locked eyes on Kevin in the distance, with a faint HP bar and three hearts floating over his head.

"Follow that HUD!"

Kevin leaned up against the rail that marked the end of the chimpanzee area. "Damn, I wonder what happened in there?"

"What gets set on fire in an aquarium?" Seth sighed. "Hey. You wanna go to the petting zoo?"

Seth expected Kevin to laugh but the other man seemed to take his suggestion seriously.

"Yeah. Let's do it."

He grabbed at Seth's elbow only for him to hold his arm out for Kevin to take his hand. Kevin laced their fingers together and let their fist swing in the space between them like a wrecking ball.

A soft melody of guitars and drums that Kevin could not get rid of accompanied his thoughts.

_Damnit, now I'm singing too_   
_Whenever I'm with you,_   
_Doo-doo-dah-doo-doo_

"My man thinks in bossa nova," Kofi whispered in awe.

"We are seriously winning this shit."

_I'm glad you took my hand,_   
_Let's be more than friends_   
_I kinda like you?_   
_And maybe in a week_   
_Or maybe even two_   
_You'll like me that way, too._

Xavier suppressed a sob with the back of his hand while E bawled openly.

"And you didn't want the feelings gauge!"

"Okay, okay, that was cute," Kofi admitted. "Like, disturbingly cute. Four hearts."

The two of them had reached the petting zoo, which boasted koalas, baby goats, and seasonal kangaroos. One particular kangaroo took up a whole side walk by laying out in the sun.

"Is something wrong with him?" Seth asked one of the zoo keeps.

"No, he just really likes people."

"Picture time!"

Seth crouched down low and rubbed the kangaroo's belly. Kevin snapped several pictures at various angles before dragging Seth to the koalas.

"Hey hey hey, you need a picture too!" Seth laughed and snatched Kevin's phone. "Go hug a koala!"

"I heard these were actually dangerous," Kevin said. One of the older zoo keepers handed him a plump fuzzy critter to hold.

"This one killed two wolverines last month," the man grumbled.

Seth got the perfect picture of Kevin looking mildly horrified.

"I wonder what the max amount of hearts is before sex," E mused as New Day wandered around outside.

"I dunno, but-- wait, where's my trombone?"

Xavier turned around too late to stop Kofi from trying the sequence out for himself. First, he played the notes wrong, and naturally that attracted all the attention they'd been trying to avoid.

"Hey! Hey hey hey!"

Xavier sighed. The jig was up. Kevin and Seth jogged towards them, Kevin holding a bunch of sanitary wipes.

"Where have you guys been? We've been waiting on you!"

"Waiting right out of the park," Kevin mumbled under his breath.

"Uhh...we got...caught up in some stuff! Then we decided to come anyway but we figured you guys were gone." Xavier cut Kofi a glare but mentally high fived himself for his silver tongue.

"Well, you should have called," Seth insisted.

"Wait a minute, we were having a good time without them," Kevin interrupted.

"Yeah! And you can still have a good time without us!" E said, already taking steps back.

"No no no, someone promised me cake and I'm gonna get it. Come on, I know a place."

Xavier slapped his forehead and sent a harder glare in Kofi's direction.

"When we get back, I am gonna..."


	4. Boo Thing

Kevin looked around the bus stop. "You...seriously took public transit?"

"Best way to stay low-key. And they have disability seating."

"Ah."

Four of them occupied the bus stop bench while Xavier opted to stand so he could cast more baleful glances at Kofi. Kofi settled for crossing his arms and looking hurt and sniffling.

E looked at his unicorn bros sadly while Kevin and Seth chatted.

"Guuuys," he whined softly, "stop fighting!"

"It's his fault!" Xavier whispered harshly. "Everything was going good until he used my trombone!"

"I said I was sorry! I just wanted to bring up the feelings gauge!"

"For who, Kofi?!"

Kofi grew quiet, lips quivering.

"Kofi, do you have something...you wanna tell us?" E said.

Xavier took a minute to assess the situation. "Wait...giggling at your phone, using my trombone...do you have a secret boo thing?!"

"Maybe."

"Your boo thing is compromising this mission! This ain't about you!" Xavier took a moment to smirk. "We'll get to you later."

Kofi's eyes widened. "No. Please don't."

Seth leaned in to the conversation. "Bus is coming. Did I hear someone has a boo thing?"

"No!"

"You know you have to tell your team captain if you have a boo thing. Compromises everything."

Kofi stood up as the bus screeched to a halt. "How you gon--"

"So it's you! Hahaha!"

"Guuuys!" E whined louder.

"We gotta get on the bus. And you're making E cry."

Kofi and Seth grabbed opposite sides of E and hugged him. "Sorry," they muttered.

The bus was sparsely populated so New Day clustered together while Seth sat in a bench in the front and Kevin hid a few seats behind. Xavier got stuck with paying everyone's fare and a few moments later the bus lurched back onto the road.

Xavier sank back down into his seat. "Sorry I got mad."

"Sorry I fucked up. Unicorn hug?"

Kofi and Xavier touched forefingers and embraced.

"Awww, they made up!" Seth said.

"Damn," answered Kevin. "I wanted to see them feud with each other."

"New Day doesn't feud!" Xavier yelled. Seth might have to come get his boy.

"Not yet anyway."

While Xavier and Kevin argued, Seth started tapping out a beat in the aisle using his good foot and his crutch.

"Rock n rolla cola,  
My momma told ya  
Kofi has a boo thing and I think it's...E!"

"No. It's not." Kofi pressed his hand to his mouth. "This isn't very low key."

"Ooh!" E squealed. He added his knuckles rapping against the hard plastic seat backs for percussion. "Rock n rolla cola, my momma told ya, Kofi's got a boo thing and I think it's Xavier!"

Xavier clapped along. "Rock n rolla cola, my momma told ya, Kofi's got a boo thing and I think it's Kevin!"

Kevin's eyes were wide like a child in a toy store. "Are we humiliating Kofi right now? Is this happening? Rock n rolla cola, my momma told ya, Kofi's got a boo thing and I think it's that guy!"

Kevin passed it off to a guy behind him who had been silently bobbing along.

"What's going on?" he asked. "That beat goes kind of hard."

"It kind of does," Kofi said, swaying slightly despite himself. "Where'd it come from?"

"Sandow," Seth answered.

"We're humiliating this dude down here." Kevin pointed. "He's Kofi."

"Okay, okay,  
Rock n rolla cola  
My momma told ya  
Kofi's got a boo thing and I think it's--"

The guy started beatboxing to applause and dancing, and the consternation of the bus driver who prayed at least all of them would get off soon.

The beatboxer got off at the next exit and the a capella music died down. Seth pulled the cord for their exit and they got off at a crosswalk.

"You never said where we were going exactly," Kevin said.

"Oh. It's IHOP." Everyone groaned. "What?!"

"Whatever baby wants, baby gets," Kevin said and shrugged as if to say that was that. E winked and nudged Xavier and Kofi.

The Five Man Heel Band crossed the street in a straight line, graciously allowing Seth to go first so he could wave his crutch at cars honking at him. Across the street, IHOP awaited them. Inside, Seth demanded a booth and a curly straw. Kevin wanted to pass a look of judgment but he just laughed.

The waitress came by for their drink orders. Kevin hunted through his menu for a good five minutes while everyone else ordered. 

"Sir?"

"Where's the alcohol menu?"

"We...don't have alcohol."

"What."

"Have...you not been to IHOP?" Xavier asked. "This is old people central." The waitress nodded in agreement. 

"What's the closest you got?"

"Very strong tea."

"I'll take it." 

Seth snickered uncontrollably behind his menu. Kevin swatted him.

"You wanted a curly straw."

Xavier pulled his unicorn bros together, glee written all over his face.

"Look at them! This is precious!"

"Nothing could ruin this moment. Nothing." 

The three of them nodded in agreement. The next time the doors opened, there was a cold gust of wind accompanied by faint traces of glitter and the scent of watermelon and bubblegum and hair product. Xavier sniffed the air curiously. 

"That smell," he said with a sneer, "I know that smell! Oh no..."

"Look everyone, it's Tyler!" 

A few people clamored over their booths to glance at the diva in their midst. Tyler was decked out in a skin-tight top and skinny jeans that were inexplicably fur-lined, and his hair was in a French braid. His pseudo-girlfriend Summer was in a similar outfit except in place of jeans she wore a pencil skirt, also fur-lined. Xavier assumed Tyler had been getting crafty again.

The man focused his eyes on their table like he had laser vision. Seth looked like a deer in headlights but Kevin simply rolled his eyes. 

"We might be fucked up," Kofi whispered.

"I'm not giving up yet!" Xavier answered, then waved for Tyler to come over. Even though the force of his rage was practically propelling him like a helicopter to Kevin's side. 

Tyler was a man of many emotions and, much like a fairy, he could only hold one at a time, so when Xavier attempted to greet him cordially, he go so far as a handshake before exploding with all his might on his errant boyfriend.

"KEVIN!"

Seth shrank away a little further and held onto his crutch for comfort.

"Yes, babe?"

"I looked everywhere all over the zoo and Starbucks for you and I find you here? In the most basic of old people places?"

"I thought you preferred Waffle House over IHOP?"

"I don't prefer either!" 

"Excuse me, but is he with you?" Their waitress had come back with a tray full of drinks. Tyler grumbled and sat down, leaving Summer to pull out a seat for herself.

"He is now," Xavier said. "And he wants a Sprite." 

The waitress set Kevin's tea and Seth's milkshake and New Day's diet drinks in front of them and ran back for Tyler's drink. Tyler, meanwhile, looked incredibly testy and Summer was mirroring his involuntary twitching.

"You didn't invite me to the zoo, Xavier."

"You don't like the zoo, Tyler."

"But you could have offered!" Tyler sniffed, then dismissively, "Hello, Seth."

"Hi, Tyler."

Kevin made a show of cutting the tension between Tyler and Xavier. "Hey, Xavier's your friend, right? IHOP was Seth's idea, we're just cheering him up."

"Oh. Is something wrong with him?" Tyler looked Seth over again. "Besides your kneecap, I mean."

Seth slowly raised his crutch but Kofi pushed his arm back down again before he could act upon his thoughts.

"Ready to order?" The waitress had brought Tyler his drink and Summer a complimentary water.

"Crepes for the whole table," Kevin said. "On me."

"I don't want crepes." Tyler's pink pout deepened.

"I do," Summer said.

"Summer does. If you don't get crepes I'm not paying for your order."

Tyler slammed his menu down. "Don't do this to me in public, murder bear."

"Just get crepes, Tyler, Jesus Christ."

"Excuse me, the man over there said he would cover you."

Summer and Tyler looked over to see a plump man at his own table, waving.

Tyler covered his face. "It's Bull again."

Xavier waved; Tyler slapped his bicep.

"Ow! Why?"

"He's stalking me!"

"He is not." Kevin rolled his eyes like he's heard this too many times. "He's very nice. Anyway, that drink wasn't free so thank him."

Xavier tried to cover up the increasingly annoyed face Kofi was making although he wished he could fast forward time himself right now. He loved Tyler like a brother but he desperately needed to see what Kevin saw in the man.

The lovebirds bickered back and forth for a while and Seth attempted to chat with New Day, made all the more awkward by the fact that all four of them had yet to have a real sit down conversation.

"How's physical therapy?"

"Going okay. I feel pretty good so far." Seth yawned into his sleeve. "The hell do they see in each other."

"One of them is packing; let's guess who."

Seth groaned and ducked before his blush reached his hairline. The first round of crepes finally appeared just in time for everyone to shut up and stop giving each other headaches.

"Really, Summer?"

Summer looked up, her mouth covered in strawberry sauce. "I'm hungry!"

Tyler sighed; he really was alone.

Kevin poked Seth with his fork. "Cheered up yet? Let's humiliate Kofi again."

"How about we not?" Kofi said.

"Tyler, Kofi has a--"

"Anyway, what are we doing next guys?" Kofi was yelling for the whole diner to hear but he didn't care.

"We?" Tyler scrunched his nose. "Define we."

"Everyone who attended the zoo trip. Raise your hands."

Everyone but Tyler and Summer meekly raised their hands. Kevin smirked.

"You can come, babe."

"I have an appointment at five and Summer has one at six. You're coming, right?"

Kevin sighed. "I guess we can all go get our manis and pedis together."

He got the check and threw a wad of cash on the table that made Tyler's eyes glow. The three of them got up, Tyler first and Summer trailing behind. Kevin bumped Seth's shoulder sadly and muttered, "see ya."

Xavier let out a breath. "Eeeyikes."

"You can say that again." Seth shoved more food in his mouth. "What is it with them? All they did was fight. Did you see how annoyed Kevin looked the whole time?"

"Didn't look like that with you," E observed.

"No. No he didn't. He looked...happy." Seth sighed wistfully. "I wish I made him happy."

Xavier saw the chance to strike. "I think you do make him happy. Way happier than Tyler that's for damn sure. Maybe you should..."

Kofi and E hummed behind Xavier like half of a doo-wop chorus.

"Consider..."

Seth leaned forward.

"Taking this to the next level?"

"Next level?"

Xavier finally launched into song.

"The next level with your murder angel  
The beast incarnate of your dreams  
The rabid Canadian mangler  
Who's cuddlier than he seems."

Seth sat back, impressed. "Are you freestyling? I've been working on a mixtape for a year."

"I can freestyle, it's true,  
But I'm trying to help you  
Tell me all your fantasies  
And they'll come..." Xavier sighed; why was his rhyming dictionary at home? "True-ooh-ooh."

Seth pondered for a moment. "I want a man with class, and maybe he likes to eat--"

"Hold, hold, hold on, Seth, we're in public man!" Kofi yelled. "Look, you want Kevin, we think he wants you, let's get it together."

Seth frowned at his solo getting cut short. "What about Tyler?"

"We'll worry about Tyler."

At that moment, Xavier's cell phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and opened up the missed text message.

_I know you're up to something, bew_   
_These eyes are watching you_   
_Ty-ty._

Xavier sighed and rubbed his temples. "Who wants to drink all our problems away?"


	5. Xavier's Missing pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this part to be a little longer but I realized if I went through the whole cycle I'd be on it until fucking Valentine's Day at this rate lol. 
> 
> Terror and Killswitch Engage are the only bands me and Seth agree on idk let's just roll with it I guess

Two weeks later and New Day were at an impasse. Seth was home for physical therapy and probably crying into his ice cream, and Kevin was off doing what single dads do. To make matters worse, Tyler and his stooge Summer were lurking very obviously around every other corner.

Xavier had shrugged through most of it, drank cocktails through the rest. "Don't worry guys, I have a plan."

"But hooow?" E whined over the phone. "We can't even get them in the same state! And Tyler is spying on us!"

"I told you guys to let me handle Tyler!"

"You ain't handling him!" Kofi argued. "I caught him looking through my sock drawer!"

"That...that is creepy."

"How did he even get in?"

Xavier sighed. "Well, remember when I said we lived together?"

"Yeah?" Kofi and E said in unison.

"Well, he may not have caught onto the spontaneous musical thing, but--what was that?"

"What?"

Xavier shook his head. "Doesn't matter. Anyway, Tyler's on some other stuff, but I set up a--oh, shit!"

"Xavier?!"

There was a burst of static over the phone before Xavier was cut off. Kofi and E swore and smashed buttons on the touch screen.

"Xavier's in trouble! This wasn't supposed to be scary!"

Kofi held on to E, or as much of him as he could, tightly and rocked him. "I know! Don't worry, we'll save him!"

Kofi's phone lit up and nearly vibrated off the table. He dived to catch it and answer.

"Xavier!"

"Guys!" Xavier's voice sounded strained and there were loud crashes in the background. "Don't worry about me! You have to hook up Seth and Kevin!"

"What's happening Xavier!"

"I can handle it! Just message Seth...about the...concert!"

The phone went dead again. E's lip quivered as the light in the screen died.

"Nooo," he whispered.

Kofi stood up and wiped the tears from his face. "We have to continue the mission...for our fallen unicorn."

The two of them pressed their forefingers together over their heads, sniffling. They then clutched at each other in a bearhug, ending with E bending backwards and taking Kofi with him.

"Please...let go!" 

E dropped him; Kofi landed on his ass and grimaced. 

"Thanks."

E picked up Kofi's phone and pulled up his Twitter app. "What concert? Did Xavier say?" 

"I assume Seth will know what we're talking about. There's only one way to find out..."

~~~

The stiff kick to the face stunned Xavier; he fell to the floor like lead, phone still in hand. He stared at the ceiling groggily and watched it spin until Tyler's face came into view.

"Hello, Austin Creed."

Xavier wheezed something unintelligible as he sat up. "Hello, fake ass Shawn Michaels."

A few tense moments of silence passed, then the two of them burst out laughing. Tyler reached down and helped Xavier up.

"Boy, you crazy." Xavier popped his jaw. "Now what's this about you going through sock drawers?"

Tyler held up a pair of socks. "He had the mate to my ruined sock."

"So you're not spying?"

"Oh I'm totally spying on you and you're little gang, trying to get between me and Murder Bear."

Xavier sighed. "Tyler, let's be real a minute.  
What is it that you see in him?  
Your future looks kinda grim  
Between his baby mama drama  
And you're kinda ra--" Xavier paused.

"Say it," Tyler hissed.

"Not...very wholesome."

Tyler recoiled in shock. "I'll have you know  
I'm really not though  
I don't mind his brats  
His ex is cool and mostly there for show."

Xavier rolled his eyes at Tyler breaking the rhyme scheme, surely just to spite him.

"Tyler, you're my friend,  
You're my best friend,  
But we can't go on like this--"

"No," Tyler countered, "no, this has to end  
You will never wreck our domestic bli-ii-ii-ii-iiss!"

Tyler retrieved his selfie stick from some abyss in his pastel V-neck shirt and vigorously shook the blue & purple glittery feathers off to reveal a gleaming blue broadsword twice his size. Xavier scrounged up his face a little as he reached around to feel for his trombone.

"Wait, you think this is me? You think I want him?"

"Why wouldn't you? Or are you questioning my choi-i-i-ices?" 

Tyler swung and Xavier ducked and rolled; he grabbed his trombone from under the bed in a split moment and rolled to his feet with it. 

"You never answered the question!  
The question is  
You, him, this biz,  
What do you see in him?!" 

"Don't make me think about it!" Tyler swung again and his blade caught in the wall. Xavier played a few blasts at him that knocked him over onto the bed and mussed his hair. "Don't make me doubt it!" 

"I'm asking about it!" Xavier jammed the slide into his gut and clipped his face with the rounded turning side. "I need to know about it!"

Tyler kicked him away, seeing red. His hair was a sweaty halo about his head. He kipped up with his sword again and held it high above his head as his whole body glowed blue.

"You want to know about it?  
Fine, I'll tell you  
He's the only one to  
Really make me feel special  
And not used

We went on like that for two weeks  
And I felt I was gonna lose him  
So I enchanted him!  
And put him on lock!"

Xavier raised his eyebrows. "I'm...not really that shocked, you seem like the insecure type."

"I'm not insecure!" 

"You got trust issues."

"I do NOT!" Tyler's blue aura intensified and he aimed his sword at Xavier's throat. "Plus, his dick's kinda big,  
It's not that deep.  
And to take my secrets to the grave,  
I bid you SLEEP!" 

Xavier tried to counteract with a trombone blast, but it wasn't powerful enough to overcome the blue-white blast that hit him. He floated off the ground until the light dissipated, then he dropped onto his back, knocked out cold. 

Tyler gingerly placed two cold fingers against the sleeping unicorn's eyelids. "Good night, sweet home wrecking prince."

~~~

Kofi and E had changed from their ring gear into their day clothes and met up in front of the elevators, still occasionally brushing away tears.

"So what did Seth say about the concert?" E asked, fixing his sunglasses. Seth was usually right on DMs but today he was being extra slow, and it made them anxious.

"Let's see..." Kofi opened up his Twitter app. "He said, 'oh em gee emoji emoji you guys are coming too emoji emoji terror is in town Xavier hipped me to it let's go woohoo emoji emoji'." 

E peered over to see the tiny emojis on Kofi's phone screen. "What's Terror?" 

"I assume it's one of those Hot Topic bands he likes?"

The two of them grimaced and sighed.

"We gotta do it for Xavier," Kofi affirmed.

"For our buddy," E said with a sniffle. "We still don't know what's happened to him,  
But he wants us so badly to win,  
So we're gonna complete the mission  
On our own."

"I'll flow better,  
You'll learn to rhyme,  
We're gonna make him so proud this time  
On our own~"

The elevator doors slid open with dull squeaks and Kofi found himself with a broad palm against his face and the body attached kneeling dramatically.

"And you'll find  
On your journey  
You're never quite aloooone!"

E took his sunglasses off. "Corey?" 

Corey stood up and looked around. "What, are we done? I've been trying to get on a track with you guys for weeks!" 

Kofi shrugged. "I mean, go ahead, we not gon stop you." 

Corey cleared his throat. "That sounded pretty personal, so...hey, Seth said you guys are going to the Terror concert right?" 

"Yeah...yeah, that's happening."

"Do you know who Terror is?"

"No."

"Then I gotta come with you. Plus, I'm doing press coverage. I know! My story will be your reactions!" Corey dangled his car keys. "Need a ride?"

"Ye--" Kofi's phone took that opportune moment to go off with several chirps signaling tweets. "Hang on." 

"Is it Seth? What's he saying?"

"He said, 'woohoo i'm out side get in losers'. Are we the losers?" 

Corey shrugged. "Guess so. Well, if he's driving I'm tagging along." 

Graves made his way to the door. Kofi and E hung back a few paces.

"What about Kevin?!" E whispered.

"I know! I don't know how he fits into this at all. I don't think the two of them even like the same music!" 

E's face tuned up as if he was about to cry again. "We need Xavier!"

"No, no, we can do this E! Stay with me, man!" 

"Guys?"

Kofi and E scampered after Corey. "Coming!"

Outside, a sleek black car bobbed and weaved in a most concerning manner up to the front doors of the hotel. It came to a screeching stop despite not going very fast to begin with, and almost immediately the driver side door popped open and Seth half spilled out.

"Guyyyysss!" he slurred. "I found this car!"

"You...found it?" Corey folded his hands under his chin and looked at Kofi and E. "One of you drive, I'll scrub our finger prints off everything as we go."


	6. Xavier's Missing pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's
> 
> BAAAAACK
> 
> I finally got my ass in gear for this since it's so close to being finished. PS: Kofi is me at every concert I go to.

Xavier groaned and rolled over on the hard hotel floor, but a hard snort woke him up. He sat up and the sudden blood rush gave him a headache.

"A sleep sword. Only assholes use those." He had been expecting flames or ice or even the Burster sword but not sleep. It only lasted a few rounds but that was good enough. Now Tyler was gone and he had no clue where.

From the window, he could tell it was getting dark out. The concert!

Xavier picked up his trombone and brought himself up using the edge of the bed. As he was about to spring out, the door popped open thanks to a long legged kick; outside stood Summer Rae wearing a bikini and holding a long, golden staff.

"Uh...Ty-ty's not here?"

Summer stood at ease, using her free hand to wipe away tears from her red face. "That son of a bitch! He's been editing me out of his selfies! I heard a fight and I was coming to help, but..."

"Nah, girl. I got this. Did you see where he went?"

The Diva shrugged. "I just know on Instagram he said something about taking Kevin to a show."

Xavier groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Shit. When?"

"Maybe an hour ago. Are you guys really trying to break them up?"

"Nope, except yes." Xavier ran through the door, shoving Summer on the way out. "I can still save this!"

Summer was left to fume in the hallway. She punched a hole in the door with her staff and screamed at Xavier's retreating back.  
~~~

"So you found it in your drive way?"

"Yeah, it was just...it was just there! Sitting in the drive way!"

"Uh-huh. The whole time?" 

"Th' whooole tiiiiime."

"So it's your car, then."

Seth paused in thought. "Yeah, yeah it looks just like my car! Do you...d'you think it's, like, the son of my car?" 

Everyone not named Seth in the car collectively groaned. No one was quite sure what the hell Seth was drunk on, but it was stronger than the devil and the man was only making sense in reverse. 

"I sure hope this wasn't part of the plan," Kofi muttered as he texted.

E peeked over his shoulder. "That boo-thing?" When Kofi quickly turned his screen off and hid his phone, E grinned. "It was!"

Seth turned sideways--upside down?--to look at the two of them with the loopiest of smiles.

"Iiiiit's yoooour boooooo!" he sang.

"So, Seth, you excited about the show?" Kofi deflected quickly.

"Yeah! I'm shhho glad you guys are coming! There's...there's never any COOL people at these shows, everyone just looks all mad 'n shit." 

"That's true," Corey added. "And the really cool ones usually leave before the show is over. Because they have jobs and families. You know, adults."

"Yeeeah."

Kofi nudged E and showed him his phone. "Um, according to Insta we might have another guest."

E looked and swore under his breath. "Shit. Tyler again? I know that wasn't the plan." 

Seth, meanwhile, laughed shrilly at a joke only he'd heard. "Guys. Oh, god. I'm a little drunk. Do I look fucked up?"

Everyone chorused, "YES."

Seth groaned and dragged a hand down his face. "I'm always fucking things up, guys. Did you know Kevin has offered to take me out, like, three whole times and I kept turning him down!"

Corey's ears perked up. In the rear view mirror he could see Kofi throw his arms up in an X. He kept his mouth shut but resolved to ask a lot of questions later.

Seth turned himself around properly and took hold of Kofi and E's hands. "Thank you guys, so much, for helping me get my life together. You're the best friends I've ever had. I love you guuuys." 

E sniffled. "F...friends? We're friends?" 

"BEST friends," Seth emphasized. 

"Oh, Sethie! I thought you were just tolerating us because we're so over and you're a heat vacuum!"

Seth's tears quickly switched off right as E bear hugged him, partially dragging him into the backseat. Kofi, meanwhile, was busy making several Vines of the incident to show Xavier whenever he finally showed up.

Corey turned into the parking lot, which was already swarming with scene kids and crusty punks that looked like they could genuinely beat his ass. It was now that he felt extremely vulnerable, with only his tape recorder, his phone, and a couple of loose cannons for protection. 

Seth freed himself from E's grasp and nearly spilled out of the car, cast and all. Corey got out and pulled him out the rest of the way.

"You gonna be okay?" 

"Yeah yeah yeah. But where's the REAL MVP of tonight...my man Xavieeeeer?" 

"Oh, uh, he'll be here. Soon. I hope." Kofi pulled E close to whisper in his ear. "Look out for our buddy Ty-ty."

"I'm on it." 

Corey passed out neon colored ear plugs to everyone. "Ear plugs in, everyone." 

The thumping, screeching noise of the opening band drew everyone into the small, tavern-like space with unsteady railing and wood flooring. They found the limited seating area in the balcony and E tossed a smaller patron from their seat so Seth could sit down.

Kofi looked around and attempted to imitate the other headbangers.

"Who is this?"

"I think they're local. I'm gonna go get some interviews going, okay? Don't do anything stupid. And if anyone offers candy, don't eat it." 

E pouted in disappointment. "Not even one piece?"

"Especially not you, E." 

"This is fun!" Kofi exclaimed. "When do we get to crowd surf?" 

"Ummm..." Seth leaned back in his chair. "Whenever this boring band gets off the stage."

"Oh. Are they bad? Let's boo them and make them feel bad." 

The three of them booed and threw balled up napkins at the hapless band below them. A few other brave souls joined in, until the band's set was abruptly cut short because the bassist had a bottle cap lodged in his temple. Corey had mostly disappeared into the crowd but Kofi hoped he was taking notes. 

"Oh! Oh, no! Kofi! Ty-ty at three o'clock!" E pointed frantically at the floor below. Kevin was carrying Tyler over the restless hordes of fans, kicking some out of the way as they made their way to the front stage. Kofi leaned over the railing.

"That's not three o'clock, that's like...nine-thirty."

"Kofiii!" 

"Okay, okay. Well, we're up here though."

"But how do we get them together? That's the plan...right?" E began hyperventilating. "We need Xavier! We need him!" 

Kofi took hold of E's shoulders and shook him. "E! Get it together! We're gonna be fine, man!"

The lights went out and Terror took the stage with a shriek of guitars and a flurry of drums. 

"By the way, thanks to the assholes that threw shit at our opening act. That man had a family."

"That's us!" Seth slurred. He threw his hands up. "We're the assholes!" 

E grabbed Seth's arms and made him sway in time to the opening song. He looked back at Kofi who was headbanging again.

"Kofi! Stop enjoying yourself! We need to figure something out!" 

"Okay, okay. What if I go down there and distract Tyler and you put Kevin and Seth together at a table or something?"

"That sounds--about--Seth stop, you lil noodle--!"

Seth was wriggling and squirming around in E's arms, dangerously close to the railing. 

"I--wanna crowdsurf! I'm gonna--get us--another shout out--"

Seth was kicking out like an angry cat tired of being held, or a baby who couldn't wait to try walking on his new hard bottom shoes. E could handle his strength, but not his resilience, coupled by Seth (hopefully on accident) kicking him with his cast-bound foot.

"We already got a shout out, Seth, we don't need another," E tried to reason with him. "Kofiii!" 

Kofi grabbed one of Seth's wrists to keep him from leaping over the balcony. "Sethie, as your friends--"

"I knoooow! I want him to say our naaames! Say it to my faaaaaaace!" 

Seth hit the high note as he flipped off his spot on the railing. E shrieked and it drew the attention of the other patrons in their section, who cheered the wild man on as he fell to the audience below seemingly in slow motion. 

"Oh man." Kofi's throat was dry. "We fucked up."  
~~~

Tyler didn't originally intend to position himself under the falling concert goer, he'd already done a great job making bruises on his face so convincing that Kevin was ready to shred Xavier and Seth both. Just like how he didn't really want his friend to die, but. Well. He'd done it.

It was serendipity when Seth crash-landed on his back, still kicking. There were still hands around him that quickly hoisted him up and sent him surging to the front of the stage. 

"Tyler! Are you okay?" Kevin gently pulled him up. 

"Owww."

"Is that yes?"

"That was 'owww'," Tyler repeated. "Who was that truck?"

"Rollins," Kevin hissed. 

Tyler smirked. "Oh oh oh. Ow ow ow!" 

Kevin made a beeline for Seth, still on top of the audience and unaware. 

"Hey! It's WWE Superstar Seth Rollins!"

The crowd popped louder as Seth finally rolled himself on stage. He pulled the microphone down to his level.

"And Kofi, and Big E, and Corey, and Xaaavieeeer!" he sang. 

The singer wrestled the microphone away again. "Shout out to all the wrestlers in the house!" He gently nudged Seth off the edge of the stage until a new wave over took him back into the crowd. 

Seth didn't have time to enjoy riding the wave this time, as something quickly jerked him back to the floor and followed up with a punch in the face. He staggered into someone's back and was pulled up against a solid, dark weight in front of him.

"Uh, if you're the bassist from--Kevin, what the hell!" 

"First you try to break up my relationship for Xavier, then you throw yourself on him to kill him? You're despicable!" 

Seth stared at Kevin blankly, feeling himself sobering up. "Excuse me? I don't recall beating up Tyler before I got into my wine."

"Look at him! He said you and Xavier jumped him! Look at his face!"

Tyler proudly showed off the purple bruises that littered his neck and eye.

Seth shook his head. "First, I'm tryna break up your relationship for ME. Two, if me and Woods had beaten up Tyler that bad, he wouldn't be here."

It was Kevin's turn to give Seth a vacant look, with Tyler looking between the two of them.

"For yourself? Um, where were you when I was actually trying to date you for real?" 

"I was young and insecure! And stupid! I'm better now, we can still take a shot at this!" 

Kevin shook his head sadly. "That time has passed, man. Even though we're both huge heels, going about it this way was no honor at all. Plus, Tyler has me enchanted."

Tyler gasped. "You knew?" 

"Oh, yeah, totally. I know all about you, I just don't get your obsession with socks and looking pretty." Kevin sighed wearily. 

"Well, Seth," he sang, "Maybe in a week or two,  
I could be insensitive like you,  
But unfortunately it's true,  
This is where we part...for...good." 

Kevin cleared a little space on the floor and hoisted Seth up above his face, but rather than slamming him down on his back he simply dropped him, at least trying to avoid his injured leg. The crowd around muttered and gave the big man some room as he made his way to the door, muttering "come on, Tyler" behind him.

Tyler stayed for a few moments to glare down at Seth. "You! I never thought it was you."

Seth sat up and spat in his face. "Fuck off, Tyler. You don't deserve him."

"Oh yeah? Well neither do yew, bew--" 

Kofi shouted when he kicked Tyler in the face. He picked him up and threw him to E, who proceeded to stretch him over his knee. A sharp trombone note blasted over the sound of the music and the crowd cleared again as a figure ran through them, seemingly on a warpath. 

"Guys! I'm baaaa--whoa, what's going on? Tyler!" 

"It's...too late...New Day!" Tyler wheezed. "I...already...won!"

"Drop him! What'chu talkin bout, Tyler?"

Kofi ran nervous hands through his hair. "Oh man, oh man, what the hell did you do!" 

Seth grimaced as he struggled to get up. "He told Kevin about us trying to break them up, but he made it seem like it was you and he pretended to be beat up like we jumped him!" 

"Why does he keep thinking it's me!" Xavier pulled Seth up the rest of the way. "It's okay, we can fix that."

"No, Xavier, we can't." Seth pushed Xavier away. "He totally hates me now. We lost."

"There's no losing!" Xavier pleaded, but Seth was already walking away. 

New Day looked at each other in despair and sorrow, and that's how Corey found them when he joined back up with them. 

"Guys? Not having a good time?" 

"We...lost?" Xavier repeated, still in shock. "Lost? Like, game over lost?" 

E silently wept. "We tried so hard!"

"It's...not your fault. I did something wrong, I know it."

"No, Xavier!" Kofi insisted, wiping away tears with his sleeve. "When any of us win, we win together! And we fail together. That's what brothers do."

"Thanks, guys." Xavier untied his hair. "But I gotta take a walk."

The sounds of the concert faded as Xavier headed outside into the windy, cool night.


	7. Reset!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it y'all! The finale! I'm not extremely happy with the very end but for my health I had to stop lol. I think it's something you'll all like any way, though. Surprise bonus couple at the end! Thanks for sticking with this goofy ass story and I appreciate everyone's comments & encouragement!
> 
> (Seth was meant to get a solo last chapter but I literally forgot until it was too late lol)

Seth just wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground for a few years. Two-thirds of New Day and a perplexed Corey Graves dropped him and his rental car off at his hotel nearby, and he graciously called a cab for them.

"Jeez. I hate seeing them so down." Corey rubbed his nape. "Doesn't look right."

Kofi and E were sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, Kofi's arm partially looped around E's meaty shoulders.

"Yeah," Seth said quietly, gazing at his friends' backs. "I really let everyone down."

"Hey, not every one! I--"

"Every one that matters, Corey."

Corey fell back. "Well...oh. Fuck you too. But Seth, I don't know what is going on but don't lose hope, okay? These guys have come through for you in ways you can't even fathom and they'll do it again."

Corey clapped Seth's shoulder so hard he wobbled. The cab pulled up and he climbed inside with Kofi and E.

Seth huffed sharply through his nose and headed back to his room.

"I'm not used to losing," he sang in the lobby, not caring who heard.

"I'm usually the one  
That's doing the bruising  
But now I'm hurt..."

He didn't notice the figure in the hoodie behind him, only hoping that he could have an elevator to himself so he didn't have to risk the stairs.

"I shouldn't have trusted  
New Day to get it right  
But wait, this was my night  
Prob'ly shouldn't have got drunk  
Prob'ly shouldn't have tried to fight..."

The elevator doors opened and Seth hobbled, the hooded figure stealthily staying just out of his view. Seth pressed his floor number and leaned back against the wall.

"I can't believe I blew it  
I can't believe I screwed it up,  
Everything was perfect,  
Going my way,  
Now I just wanna reset this day!"

Seth's sighs were watery, his hands nervously running through his hair and undoing his meticulous bun.

"How do I reset this day?"

The doors opened again and he took his time walking to his room. When the doors closed again, the hooded figure took off his hood.

"Phew!" Triple H brushed sweat off his brow and fanned himself. "First video down." He turned his phone off and unstrapped it from his chest.

Meanwhile, Kevin and Tyler were holed up in the room they shared, in a separate hotel.

"You really knew the whole time?"

Kevin snorted. "Yeah. Your magic is powerful but really obvious."

"So I can unenchant you now?" Tyler's eyes were sparkling with joy. "And you'll let me be your prince?"

Kevin rested his hand in his chin. He was near the windowsill and gazing out onto the street below.

"Murder bear...?"

"Tyler," he began thoughtfully, "I let you enchant me because I wanted to keep our relationship together. I care about you, okay? Honestly, you're cray-cray and I thought it would make you happy and calm. But now I realize nothing is going to change you. I don't _want_ to change you. I want you to have someone else that actually compliments you."

Tyler's face fell and he collapsed on the bed. "You can't be serious!"

"I don't agree with New Day's methods, but let's be honest! They're not wrong. We're a train wreck!"

Tyler grabbed his selfie stick from under his pillow.

"Kevin..." he growled, a warning.

"You can threaten me with that stick all you want, but you know damn good and well it's true. Look at you, you won't even let go because you're just that stubborn!"

Tyler's hair curtained his face, leaving only his quivering lips visible. He shook the feathers and glitter off the stick to reveal a comically large broadsword.

"Are you breaking up with me, Owens?"

"Tyler." Kevin stood up and faced him defiantly. "If you unenchant me I'll run the hell out of here. There's someone out there who needs me way, way less. And someone you need way, way more."

"What I need way, way more is for you to stop fighting me and just let me be your cute lil prince!"

Before Kevin could move, Tyler sliced upwards and sent a freezing wave aimed at his midsection. It connected, and Kevin found himself rapidly frozen in place before he could unleash nary a scream or Québécois swear word.

Tyler patted the ice, Kevin's face frozen in shock and mild annoyance.

"If I unfreeze you, the enchantment wears off. But if you stay like this, I can make you love me forever."

He exhaled loudly and slid down in front of the bed. He slipped his phone from his back pocket and was greeted with a slew of angry messages from Summer.

"I'm not used to losing," he muttered.

"I'm usually the one  
Who's doing the bruising,  
But now I'm hurt..."

He erased all the texts and opened up his Twitter app.

"Winning used to feel good, but I  
Should have let it drop  
Stop using Kevin as a prop  
My pride got in the way  
And then I couldn't stop."

Slim, trembling fingers tapped out a cryptic private message and paused. If he sent this, there was no going back; he smirked wryly.

"I can't believe I blew it  
I can't believe I screwed it up,  
Everything was perfect,  
Going my way,  
Now there's only one way to end this day..."

He pressed send.

Seth was laying flat on his stomach on the floor, aimlessly checking his social media accounts when he noticed his private message alert lit up. He opened the message to read it.

"Tyler," he hissed. "The last person I wanna see. You win already, give it a rest!"

_just froze kevie in a block of ice lol come save him if u dream loser 1102_

_*dare fucking autocorrect_

Seth nearly dropped his phone. "Who the hell are you calling a loser! Oh shit, Kevin! I gotta tell the guys!"

He ran out of his room to the elevator, texting his unicorn team on the way.

Xavier rested on a sidewalk curb a few blocks away from the concert venue. He let out a few dejected notes from his trombone and kicked an errant rock.

"This day has been the worst,  
I fucked up so bad  
I can't believe how much it hurts..."

He looked up to the stars in the night sky for guidance.

"How do I re-win this day?  
How do I not lose this day?"

In the distance, a twangy voice joined him. "If you believe in your friends, there's always another way!"

Xavier stopped singing and looked around. "Who was that?"

"Me, silly!"

Xavier turned around and saw Heath Slater walking up behind him, concealed beverage in hand.

"What's up, man? Seth just released the saddest video I've ever seen."

For proof, Heath took out his phone and showed Xavier the clip from YouTube. Seth was singing to himself in an elevator accompanied by some rather suspect Photoshop effects.

"Oh man, Heath. I tried to play matchmaker with Seth and Kevin--"

"Whoa, crack shipper!"

"And I totally fucked up! I thought I did everything right, but it blew up in my face!"

"Hmm." Heath squinted and tapped his chin. "It sounds like you did everything right to a point."

"I wish I knew when so I could get back to that point," Xavier mumbled, then shrugged.

"Well, why don't you just reset this day?"

It was Xavier's turn to squint. "How? I hate traveling back in time!"

"Xavier, resetting the game when you don't get your way is as revered as ragequitting," Heath said sagely. "And luckily for you you're one of those chronic autosavers."

"I am? I am!" Xavier jumped and wrapped his arms around Heath's neck. "Thank you! I can just go back in time until I figure out what I did wrong!"

Heath peeled Xavier off him. "Not so fast bruh, doesn't work that way. See, ya only get one reset per game so ya gotta choose wisely."

"Oh, hell naw."

"And you know there's no guarantee you'll fix anything, plus you'll lose all the progress you made, so..."

Their conversation was interrupted by Xavier's phone. He unlocked his screen only to be bombarded by a massive group message from Seth to him, Kofi, and E.

Heath leaned over to snoop. "Looks like trooou-bllle..."

"Oh god," Xavier muttered. He and Heath quickly skimmed over the messages. "My boys are in trouble! They need me!"

"Oh no, it's worse than I thought!" Heath cried. "You triggered the Tyler Snaps And Kills Everyone event! There's no getting out of that!"

"Wait, you said there's always a way! If...you believe in your friends..." Xavier gasped. "Oh no. That's where I messed up. I just kept doing what I wanted to without listening to my friends!"

"Yeah, yeah, nice lesson," Heath said, waving Xavier off. "But this ain't no damn after school special, Tyler is going to kill all your friends if y'all don't reset. This is the Bad End and Darkest Timeline all wrapped up in one!"

"Fuuuck!" Xavier covered his face with his hands. "Okay, okay, I'll..." He shook his head. "No, doing everything alone is how I got into this. I gotta go to my friends and we're gonna do this together!"

Heath smiled. "Gimme ya trombone, you scamp."

Xavier handed off his trombone and Heath programmed it with a melody that sounded similar to Zelda's Lullaby.

"Play that when the time is right. Now get on outta here."

"Thanks, Heath!"

Xavier played another melody and disappeared from the spot. Heath chuckled.

"I love a happy ending."

En route back to the hotel, Kofi and E's forlorn faces were lit up in blue by Kofi's phone.

"It's Seth," Kofi grumbled. "Can we mope by ourselves for a min?"

"Read it anyway." E sniffed.

"Ugh, Corey you do it."

Corey opened Kofi's messages. "Lessee... 'Kevin's in trouble I'm going in emoji emoji emoji'."

E perked up. "Trouble? What kind?"

"Doesn't say."

Kofi wrung his hands. "Maybe we should...go back."

Another alert and the tension in the car became palpable.

"'this dude is psycho emoji holy shit a sword why am I the only one here without powers emoji emoji'. Who is psycho with a sword?"

"I don't know bout a sword, but I know who is a psycho and would have Kevin!" Kofi leaned into the front seat. "Turn this jalopy around! We gotta go get our boy!"

"What about Xavier?" E shouted over the screech of tires in reverse.

"That's who I meant. No more solo missions. We do this together or not at all!"

"Guys, we may be out of time," Corey said. "His last message just says 'askjdl'."

"I think that's internet talk for 'I'm getting my ass beat'...Xavier, where are yooou?!"

The cab came to a sudden halt. Kofi, Corey, and E scrambled out of the car. One of the rear tires had a trombone embedded in it; behind them, on the monkey bars in a playground, stood Xavier.

"Xavier!" E cried out with tears in his eyes.

Xavier swooped down and retrieved his trombone.

"Guys! I'm..." he held out his hand and extended his trigger finger. "No. WE are back!"

Kofi and E joined and the three of them neighed. Corey wiped a tear drop from his eye.

"You guys go handle your business," he said. "I'll hold this cab bill down."

"We owe you one, Corey!" Xavier said, then muttered under his breath, "not." He played a melody on his trombone and the unicorns were spirited away to their destiny.

~~~

Seth looked up at Kevin's frozen visage from his position flat in his back. His phone had spilled out of his hands before he could correct his typos to read "Oh god he's kicking my ass". 

"No one told me you had a fucking Burster sword," he croaked.

"That's right, and here's the Final Touch!" Tyler positioned himself as his limit break gauge filled.

"Hey...Tyler...c'mere..."

Tyler knelt down. "Any last words?"

"I got two for ya: Suck. It."

Tyler stood up, appalled. "You...you...!"

Seth made the 2Sweet gesture and flipped Tyler off. "You'll always be a discount Shawn Michaels."

"And you'll always be a Millenials Edge!"

"Damn, that hurt more than you ambushing me like a coward."

Tyler raised his sword to strike. Just then, a flash of light seared his eyes. He dropped his sword and cried out in pain. From the light, New Day jumped out to make the save.

E quickly hoisted Seth onto his back. "You okay, Seth?"

Seth let out a sob. "Now that you guys are here!"

"Tyler, this ends tonight one way or the other!" Xavier yelled, trombone ready. "There's one thing your magic can't beat!"

Tyler rolled his eyes. "The power of love and friendship?"

"What? No, the reset button."

"Reset? Oh come on, that's cheap. See this through to the end!" Tyler readied his sword again with tears in his eyes. "All of our ends!"

Xavier looked around. Kevin was frozen and Seth looked like he'd gone a few rounds with Brock Lesnar and lost. Tyler was having a full-blown break down.

"Heath was right. This is deep."

"Xavier, what do you mean reset...?"

Xavier faced his unicorn bros. "Guys, I really can fix this. But I need you to do it with me. If I reset, we can go back to where I fucked up but there's no guarantee everything will go right this time. And we'll lose all our progress and personal growth!" He winced. "We won't be better people, but...we might be winners."

Seth, Kofi, and E all looked at each other.

"Winning is all I really care about. But most importantly, I want Tyler to lose," Seth said. He held out his hand. "I'm in."

"We gotta be all in," Xavier pleaded. "We can try to fight it...or we can lie, cheat, and steal instead!"

Kofi and E slowly bumped fists with Seth. "All in."

Tyler shrieked with rage. "You bunch of nerfherders! I won't let you!" He charged them, now glowing pale pink.

"Tyler, girl, give it a rest." Xavier quickly played the reset melody. As Tyler's sword struck his horn, the room was enveloped with purple light.

~~~  
Xavier awoke with a start. There was a tiny puddle of drool on his pillow and he'd had a deathgrip on his phone in his sleep. How long had he been sleeping? He looked at the last screen he was viewing.

"The tickets. I just...I just bought the tickets." His memories crept back one at a time. "I...I remember? Oh, no, I remember! This is awful! I must fix what is going to go wrong."

He closed the screen out and brought up a group text with Kofi and E. 

"guys don't have time to explain but i bought tickets to a concert for all of us with seth n kevin seth's probably gonna be drunk but if anything happens to me just make sure he stays on the floor level."

He pressed send. A few moments later, Kofi answered first closely followed by E.

"Why the floor?" 

"Uhh what's gonna happen to u??" 

Xavier rubbed his chin in thought. "Huh. I even remember stuff that I wasn't present for. Maybe I absorbed everyone else's memories?" He shrugged and texted back.

"I dunno tyler might kick my ass lol but seth likes to get backflippy when hes wasted. message him n kevin about the show and just act like you know"

Kofi and E responded but Xavier closed those out to message Summer instead.

"Ay my girl. I know Tyler's been cropping you out of pictures. he thinks you're an 'uggo' but if you want some petty ass revenge get down to my hotel room in like 10 mins." 

A few minutes later, Xavier received a caps-laden response back.

"I'LL

SHOW

HIM

UGGO"

He turned his phone off and rubbed his hands. "Excellent."

As if on cue, Tyler flicked into his room. Rather than getting the jump on him as he'd hoped, Xavier swiftly caught him with a superkick. Tyler flew backwards, selfie stick in hand.

"Tyler, how nice of you to drop in." 

Tyler sat up, rubbed his jaw. "So you knew I was coming, huh? Then you must also know why."

"Enlighten me." 

Tyler sat primly on the bed, crossing his legs. "Look, I know about your little scheme to break up me and Kevin. I didn't think you went for bears, but you need to find your own bear mmkay?" 

Xavier rolled his eyes. "Well, I saw that coming. Tyler, sweet prince, I'm not trying to break up your relationship for myself. That'd be weird. This is for Seth." 

Tyler's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "Seth? Rollins? Shield Seth?"

"Yesss...?"

"What in the world? Kevin said he kept blowing him off! Not in the good way, either."

Xavier discretely checked the door. "Well, it was different then. And if you have to enchant someone to be with them, maybe you need to rethink your life!"

"How did you know?"

"I didn't. It just sounds like something you'd do, Tyler! You're insecure and you'll do anything to boost your self-esteem, whether it's tricking someone into being your boyfriend or turning on your own friends!" 

Tyler sat in stunned silence for a moment. "I...didn't expect to have my whole life read like this. Keepin' it--" Tyler held up one finger and, with his other hand, made two zeroes. He mouthed, "One-oh-oh." 

"Yeah, well, it's about to get realer. You know what you need, Tyler? You need to face Consequences."

"Consequences?"

"That's what I said, boy!" Xavier untied his hair and fluffed it out with his hands. "Summer Consequences!"

At the perfect moment, the door slammed open from the force of a single long leg. Summer stood in the doorway holding a staff, clad in a black bikini and her hair tied up.

"Tyler, you son of a bitch," she hissed. "You think I'm ugly? When I'm done with you, they're going to name a hall of the cosmetologist's office after you!"

"That's..." Xavier decided not to correct her. "Don't matter. Tyler, first you're going to tell me where Kevin is. Then, I'm kicking your ass." 

Tyler shook the feathers off his selfie stick to reveal a sword twice his size. "No and no."

"He's got a sleep sword," Xavier whispered to Summer. She nodded.

"Kevin's on his way back after spending time with his kids. I don't know why he keeps that a secret," she said.

"It's not a secret, I just..." Tyler fidgeted. 

"Don't want to admit there's anyone else more important than you in his life?" Xavier tried. Tyler nodded in defeat. "Man, you have a lot of baggage."

Summer twirled her staff and swung upward to connect with Xavier's chin. "Therapy time is over." She turned to Xavier and smiled. "You go hook up Kevin and Seth. I'll take care of the trash."

"Ooh, damn girl." 

Xavier tied his hair back up and ran out of the room. He came back a second later and muttered "thanks" then sped off again. On his way down the hallway, he called E.

"Where are you?" 

"Uhh we're waiting on Seth outside. You weren't kidding when you said ol' buddy was drunk. Corey is here, by the way."

"That's good, that'll work. Y'all just hold on til I get there!" 

Xavier skipped the elevator, opting to position himself backwards on the stair railing to slide down. The ride was slow and more painful than he expected, but he made it to the bottom just in time to see a black car jerking up to the glass doors of the hotel.

His unicorn bros and Corey were waiting in the lobby.

"I'm here!" He embraced Kofi and E like he hadn't seen them in ages. "We're gonna be fine. Just fine."

"What happened to you?"

"Tyler tried it, but Summer checked him. Let's go save Seth from himself."

The three of them exited the hotel in to the crisp evening air. Seth was spilling out of the car, waving at them with a goofy grin.

"Best friiiiends!"

"Did you drive all the way here drunk?" Corey asked. 

"I'm, like...five parsecs down the street," Seth protested. "Woohoooo!"

Kofi carefully pulled Seth into the back seat. "He called us best friends!"

"I luh you guys. Let's all make out on the way to the show!"

"Oh, no. Seth, no." 

Xavier and E squeezed themselves into the back while Corey took the wheel. Xavier basked in the feeling of accomplishment; with his unicorns and cap'n, he could triumph over anything that came his way. He played the melody to bring up the feelings gauge and nudged E and Kofi.

"Still at four hearts," he said.

"Four and a half," E said. "D'aaw did we do that?" 

Seth took a few tries to retrieve his vibrating phone from his pocket. "Oh. Oh Kevin just shaid he's on the way and asked if any of us has seen Tyler. Have we seen Tyler?"

"Nope, don't plan on it."

Seth sloppily texted back. "Newp...don't...plan on it..." 

They pulled into the parking lot of the venue after a short drive. The parking lot was littered with crust punks, regular punks, and a few other assorted subgenres that weren't readily identifiable. Corey got out of the car and took a deep breath.

"I feel amongst my people again," he said, "but with worse tattoos. You guys going in?" 

"Yeah, Seth needs to sit down and possibly drink some water," E said. He pulled Seth onto his back and the four of them went inside the venue, which was already filling up nicely. The opening band was plucking along and there was a line of people close to the stage headbanging, while everyone else showed varying degrees of disinterest. Seth tried to head for the bar but Xavier pulled him back.

"No, no Sethie, that's a bad Sethie." 

"Awww." Seth pouted. Then his brow twitched and he pointed at a man several feet away, quietly headbanging to himself.

"Hey. Hey hey hey! That guy has an Ambrose shirt! Lemme at him!"

"Seth, ssstop right now," Xavier grunted as he struggled.

Kofi covered his mouth with his hand and said in a barely disguised voice, "Let dem fight." 

"Kofi, no!" 

Seth wriggled out of Xavier's grasp and hobbled over way faster than any man with a cast on had any right to, and soon he was delivering a drunken, belligerent beat down to the hapless Dean mark. The opening band stopped playing at the floor cleared around the fight.

Xavier slapped his forehead. "Maybe I should have saved that reset." 

There was a commotion in the back near the entrance, and another pathway cleared to allow a bemused murderous bear through. Kevin caught sight of New Day and made another beeline towards them.

"You guys actually came? I'm impressed."

"Yeah, well, do you mind gettin ya boy?" Xavier jerked his thumb to the very one-sided fight in front of them. Kevin turned around and guffawed. He went over to the spot on the floor populated only by a man in fetal position and another angry man cussing him out; he grabbed Seth in a bear hug and whispered things in his ear until he calmed down. Security chose that moment to intervene but only to carry the injured man outside.

The crowd regrouped and Seth and Kevin were lost except for their heart bars. The opening band reluctantly went back to playing the rest of their set.

Kevin let his arms drape loosely around Seth, who turned around to face him with unfocused, loving eyes.

"Keeeviiin? You came to save meee?"

"Yes, Seth, I came to save you from the mean man I'm sure you attacked first."

Seth happily nuzzled Kevin's face, or tried. "I'm shooo happy!" The two of them swayed like a couple having their first dance at prom, silent except for the noise metal playing just behind them. "Hey, Keviiin?"

"Yes." 

"I'm...sorry I kept turning you down all those times." Seth sniffed and pushed away slightly. "I know you're with Tyler, but do you...do you think maybe...Tyler pisses me off and I know he makes you mad too."

Kevin sighed. "That's only half true. I don't hate Tyler but he is frustrating."

"Too frustratma--frusturate--do you really want to be with him?" 

Kevin pondered the question. "You know what, no. I think he was a rebound at best. He needs someone who will cater to his high maintenance needs." 

"Then...can we get a try? Like you and me, I mean. Ush."

Kevin chuckled. "I get you,  
I've always kind a liked you,  
Now I'm sure I really do." 

"Yes, yes, yesyesyesyes!" E chanted too close to orgasmic for Xavier's tastes, but he shared the sentiment. Seth and Kevin's heart gauges filled to the brim when they rubbed noses and Seth dove in for a sloppy, wet kiss.

New Day high fived each other and a few of the people around them. The band onstage took notice and started an audience clap to celebrate the moment.

"Congratulations to the couple out on the floor! This next song is for you guys!"

"Fuck off, I want a shout out from a band that matters," Seth slurred and flipped the band off.

"That's our Sethie," Xavier said.

"Look everyone, it's Tyler!"

There was a murmur near the entrance as the door swung open and a very disheveled Tyler Breeze stormed through the audience like an animal on the prowl.

"Where. Is. He?" he pressed his selfie stick to Xavier's neck.

"Back up, boy, back up before you catch these hands!" Kofi yelled.

Tyler smirked, baring teeth and fangs Xavier didn't even know he had. "Did you really think Summer was strong enough to stop me?"

"I didn't care," Xavier said, brushing the selfie stick aside. He tilted his head towards the scene in front of them. "Because we already won."

"What?" Tyler looked and saw his officially ex-boyfriend in the arms of another. "WHAT?"

New Day circled around Tyler and gyrated in unison. "Team Neeew Day!"

"The only thing that could break my enchantment," Tyler muttered brokenly. "True love's first kiss."

"Really?"

"Well, that and uncontrollable lust which judging by the fact that they're dry humping, they have that too." 

Kofi nodded. "Well, look on the bright side Tyler. Now you're free to find that sugar daddy you've always wanted."

Tyler sighed bitterly and brushed a few stray tears away. "I guess..." A tissue gently dabbed his cheek. He blinked, startled, and looked around in confusion.

"Bull? Is that you again? I fucking knew you were stalking me!" Tyler sucked his teeth. "But...silk tissues? Those are my favorite....how did you know? But that color is awful." 

Bull tossed the freshly opened tissue box and pulled another from his bag. "How about houndstooth?" 

"No."

Bull shrugged and chucked that box, and pulled out a third. "Stripes?"

"Did...you just happen to have all these or did you get them..." Tyler took the stripped box of tissues. "For me?" 

Bull smiled sheepishly and opened his bag to reveal five more boxes in various colors and patterns. Tyler wiped his tears away and returned his smile.

"Tyler Has An Epiphany Ending," Xavier said. "We won!" 

E grabbed both his unicorn bros in a bear hug. "I'm so happy, you guys! No one died and everything went right!"

Xavier chuckled uncomfortably. "Haha, uh, yeah. About that."

Terror finally took the stage and launched into their first song. The audience grew blood thirsty and frenzied, and it wasn't long before a large circle pit formed on the floor, flanked by violent headbangers.

"Hey, wait, you know what we never found out?"

"What?"

"Kofi, who the hell is your mysterious boo thing?" 

Kofi frowned. "Y'all still on that?"

"There's only one way to find out." E elbowed Kofi in the gut and snatched his phone as it slipped out of his front pocket shirt. He unlocked the screen and dug into his text messages. His eyes widened. 

"You ain't gonna believe this, but..." E showed Xavier the screen.

"Randy Orton? Are you serious?" 

Flustered, Kofi shrugged helplessly.

"You hate him! He hates you!"

"People change." 

"Not THAT drastically. But, you know, we can work with that. Me, E, and a few friends. Right E?"

E gave a thumbs up. Realizing he was locked in no matter what, Kofi resigned himself to the horror and settled for watching Kevin and Seth out on the dance floor.

"Aaand I just got a message from Triple the H congratulating us on our number one album on iTunes. How much you wanna bet we'll never see profit from that?" 

Xavier sighed but smiled in spite of himself. "Just keep pushing the merchandise..."

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt https://wrestlingkink.dreamwidth.org/279.html?thread=455191#cmt455191


End file.
